The Ineffable Qualities of Woman

Mirror, Mirror:Recognize Your Self.

My first screening of "Carmen Jones" led me to  my first opera, Bizet's "Carmen". Carmen was coarser than traditional images of grace, but it was her beguiling charm weakening even the strongest man that held me in intrigue. She masked her self in total sexual and emotional control. I wore her mask from 1991-2000. I vividly remember every moment from the first fitting to its abrupt removal.
I translated the extraordinary life I held before motherhood into impactful, definitive lessons.   Slowly, I had lost my grace. Grace and charm found not synonymous with new motherhood outside of Hollywood.  I just had to regain some of myself in the process of being Mother of the Century. Gwyneth Paltrow and I were pregnant at the same time twice. The difference is she did it with class. I remember my transformation from what would Audrey Hepburn (1991-2000) wear to what would J-Lo wear (2000-2004) to what would Shamu wear (2004 to 2006) and finally 2006 to present...the me period.I found it hard to maintain my sexual grace in the midst of my expanding waist, rounding bum, and breast expansion. I have always believed that married women must maintain harder than single ones. Unlike single women whose male company is sporadic, mine is constant. The prims and propers got lost in the midst of cohasing babies around the house. Who knows what the protocol is in that situation. I ran. I had no time to sit, walk,or speak just so.   The problem with that is there is never that second chance.  Why care?  Why bother?  You are your own best thing.  A composite representation of you.  Who you want to be.  Who you think you are.  Those perceptions often differ from reality.  Reality is a function of both the authentic you and the perceived you.  Some may argue that the percieved you is the only one that matters, but I'd beg that the latter holds more truth.  Without my authentic real self, I would fail to manufacture change resting comfortably in that static box of the summation of other's experiences with me factoring in any misinformed misconception mental mistrials of which I become the polar opposite of that being I fundamentally represent.  Would you recognize you when you saw it?  Define yourself.  And be that person.  Be true to that person.  Ah, yes.  Again I will say, be true to yourself.

A simple, potent tips:

Remember yourself.  Life is a grand collage of seemingly ordinary experiences, but respect your journey.  That journey brought you here and it continues to unfold different layers of those things uniquely yours.  Be inspired by the adventure.

Engage in yourself.  Discover interests outside and exclusive of relationships.  Realize that you are a person worth the luxury of another person's exploration, but find your self first.  Enjoy the selfishness of singlehood or the moment of solitude for its allowances .

Keep stimulating people around you. This feeds the soul and forces staying up on current affairs.To that end, I have never ceased to stimulate my mind. I am constantly learning either through structured curriculum or personal research and discovery. 

I walk daily, practice yoga, and I eat clean.  Honor you.  Value yourself.  Esther soaked in almond oil daily for a month before she presented herself.  Cleopatra bathed in sour milk. Know how much you are worth.  You are worth the pampering even if you must do it yourself.    Treat yourself well.  And sometimes that means pushing away from the edible treats...unless you think that extra bowl of ice cream with somehow add to your sex appeal (and unless you're morbidly underweight, I just don't see how it will.)

Next :  If today doesn't feel like the first day of the best of your life,force the best out of the next day.

Try It Twice.

Just who malleable are you?  Flexible.  Shape shifting.  No need to lose your self, but there can be much to gain by opening to possibility.
 The two yous.  The static you.  The person you remain at true to the core.  Dynamic you.  The transitional product of environment and circumstance.  Sure, you have not been bareback riding.  Does not mean that you will not or do not like this. Try it.  Try it twice.  You'll hate it the first time.  Second time, you're a bit more familiar.  Still no?  At least you gave it a go. Try it twice.  Then, you'll know.

Woman, Remember Your Self

I meet someone new daily. The women I meet daily inspire me to share what we can plainly see. What we usually do not say. What needs to be heard. We can all learn a bit from Esther. She prepared herself by soaking in fine oils making ready just in case she was chosen by the king. She did not know for certain she would be chosen, but she refused to settle for less than her value. When the king did chose her, she used her wisdom to assert herself in a manner that allowed the king to remain in his strength, but it reaffirmed her asset as a wise and fruitful woman. A help mate. Know your worth. Hold out for something real. Have goals and allow help in achieving those goals. Maintaining assertiveness. Esther could have rested on her beauty. She could have shunned all else. She maintained her vision incorporating her man into the fulfillment of her dream. A woman has both the ability magnify and castrate a man. Powerful. Often too powerful for our own good. The task is using your capacities in a positive way in a time efficient manner. It proves conducive to healthy, fulfilling relationship. A man can learn from this as well. Learning to take criticism and guidance from a woman is a hard task. It doesn't automatically emasculate. Just as every good leader requires a strong task force or think tank, so can your counterpart be such a help mate. Men and women have different measures of the success of a relationship. Naturally, (or unnaturally irrational in a guy's perspective), women think in terms of emotional fulfillment. Surprisingly, so do men. For women, it often relays to feeling wanted and desired. Some men prefer to feel needed and strong, the useful, respected head of the household. Each sex having the tools to give the other exactly what it needs. These objects often seem so elusive to the other. Successful partners realize without words that these are exclusive within themselves. In other words, successful relationships nurture these behaviors without demand. It's part of preparation knowing how to relate by realizing the skill sets needed to properly perform the task. Maintain an attitude of readiness. The first 72 hours of boot camp, I can only explain it as sleep deprivation. This transitional period proved vital for the Recruit Division Commanders as they utilized the opportunity to define candidates who maintained a ready attitude. Randomly, the barked out the name of a recruit. At which point, said recruit must immediately stand reciting the name back to them followed by the proper greeting to address the RDC who called said recruit. Lack of sleep coupled with the instruction to put your head down caused even the potential stellars to fizzle. The standouts who surpassed expectation became immediate class leaders. Notably, I passed inspection. The point is inspection could come at any time. Be ready. Soak in fine oils. Gloss the lips. Keep your mind attune. Be ready for such a time as this.

Be a Man About It.

Recognize that a huge part of a man's value links into the role of the woman.  The woman allows a man to claim his manhood. It's for no bizarre unknown reason that the intention of women is to complete the man. This is no stand by your man saga about submission and losing your voice.  Civil assertiveness sans castration gets the work done even better. As a young girl, I would politely pretend to ignore many exchanges between well meaning women and their partners.  I jotted notes in my head for future reference.  A key that a recognized at the age of 12, a man needs his woman to make him feel like a man.  It doesn't require stupidity, but appreciative respect.  The respect is mutual. Coupled with love and you will form an nearly impenetrable bond. Men value those who respect his opinion and thoughts. People who respect him.  If the greatest fan in his club happens to be the woman he loves, you will find no one more cherished and adored.  Win win. So, if the man in question has dubious life skills.  What then?  I do not agree with praising mediocrity, but that leaves room for the guidance of a skillful woman to insert a brilliant idea for him to follow through.  And then you applaud his obedience.  Pat his head.  Rub his belly. "Good boy"

Next: How much love are you worth? Probably a lot more than you're getting.

Woman Assert Thyself.

"I'm taking Gary to a party," she said.  One of my fave lines from the cult classic, Weird Science.  In my rebellious days, I actually used the line to get out the house Valentine's Day 1992.  I asked my mother. 'May I go out with Dwight?' Request denied.  I then informed my mother that I,in fact, was going to see The Bodyguard on Valentine's Day with my then boyfriend, Dwight.  Out of mere surprise, my mother stood speechless.  Now, I don't recommend such behavior.  Being a mother now myself, I'd hate to be the dumbfounded parent whose child drops the regardless bomb. BUT as a woman, the state of regardless elevates your femininity to the highest power.

I rarely think about D except I know in my heart he's somewhere just being an altogether shitty character.  I almost settled for D, the guy I dated when I first lived in Texas.  I flew for Continental Airlines at the time which afforded him free flights with or without me.  (Significant others regardless of sex flew free as part of a gay rights move on the part of the airline.)  Mega-bonus just for being my boyfriend, no?  Well, he hated the fact that I flew off so randomly.  My exciting tales definitely left him unsoothed.  He wanted someone in his bed 24/7.  Couldn't be me.  I had a life.  I became close with his mom and sister as though they were my own.  I loved them better than my own sometimes.  His mom spent Sunday afternoon watching Lifetime movies and smoking weed in her garage with her best friend George.  How cool! (I'm part West Indian,so weed isn't a big "OH,NO!" to me even though I don't partake.)  It was on one of those Sundays, her son complained to her that I had not answered the phone in hours.  I had singleton rules, dammit.  I turned my telephone ringer off on occasion so as not to appear overly available.
"Lex, I don't know where you're at, but there's nothing open but legs at this hour." she slurred onto my voicemail.

I stepped up my game becoming the ever doting girlfriend...Oh, did I mention that he had a newborn son at the time?  Or that his mother had only kicked that girl out a few months prior to meeting me?  Or that his 25 year old butt still lived home with his mama?  Soon, he didn't care whether or not I flew out.  His sister later told me that not only was he still sleeping with his baby's mama, but some new chick from his office.  Wow, really?  To top it off, the mother, sister, and rightfully ex-boyfriend teamed up against guilting me into staying.  Blaming my occupation.  Scapegoating his insecurities.  I fell in and out of it, because I couldn't give up the relationship with the in-laws.  He claimed new devotion.  I half believed him until I heard Sarah on the voice mail pledging undying love.  Blew my mind.  I laid out for days.  Couldn't work. Couldn't think.  Barely ate. My mom called randomly one afternoon.  I gave her the story.
"Everyone is taking care of him." She said.  "But who's taking care of you?  Move back to Louisiana.  Come back to your mama."  Weird, never before heard words from my mother.
Our relationship peaked at tragic at that time.  It shocked me to hear and even more so that I conceded.  She felt victorious as she won me back from Don's mother.  I immediately left Houston quitting my job as a flight attendant to get away from the drama.  I ran with my tail between my legs.  For the second time in my life, I ran!  Prior to this, I sought the comfort of security.  That moment pivoted my life in a different direction.  I took chances.  I let go.  Less prim and proper Southern girl.  For someone who lived on her own since 18 (not negating random roommates), I finally found inner strength to stand on my own two.  And I didn't need to run anymore.

You're a woman worth having.  Act like one. 
1.  You know what you want.
2.  You don't deviate from that knowledge.
3. Compromise is deviant unless it keeps your principles and morals intact.
4. Trust yourself above anyone else.  This is different from not trusting anyone.  You should extend yourself to those warranting, but at no time should you distrust your gut unless you're uncommonly paranoid.  The more you trust yourself, the more tuned your intuition.  It's like any muscle.  Working it improves its definition.
5. This all starts by factor # 1.  Knowing what you want.  Define this now and you'll save yourself from plenty of heartache. 

Next :"In your rush for power and glory, you forgot one thing.  You forgot to hook up the doll."

Introduction of the elated degradation of femininity: (in grand hopes of the recapture of said essence)

Women have given it away.  Happiness. Love. Freedom. Joy. Thrown it out with both hands.  Well, women did not per se.  Admit it, though.  In some ways, in many ways.  We have.  The rules, the well-meaning antiquated old wives adages, the games...in short, they don't work.  What does work?  Realizing your Woman Worth Having status means not settling for anything beneath your value.  It's not a rule book.  It's a lifestyle of embracing femininity.  Sure, let it out.  But not all of it and not right this very second, because it will serve no good.  It leads to feeling overexposed when feelings go unrequited. I did not write the script, but a little blush and a little mystery go far. It is not a game or a rule.  This is a lifestyle.  Your life. Live it well into the fullest potential. It's a fast journey with longterm rewards.